new hero discovered this morning, via this one line.
so pithy, so succinct, so bitchy, so true.

"[Jen] is an ‘American Idol’ judge in training."

MSNBC - Ben and Jen: Their so-called private lives by Michael Ventre
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are no more, and the harsh spotlight on them fades. Now Ben can relax and pursue a more sedate coupling with Paris Hilton, while Jen is free to become the next Mrs. Michael Jackson.

Although they are seemingly through with each other, Ben and Jen surely are not finished with celebrity romance. It’s in their DNA, like poor career choices and outlandish shopping sprees. Yet civilized society is in a much better place today, because Bennifer is officially Splitsville, and citizens can now line up at the supermarket checkout stand without getting nauseous from their grinning mugs.

I doubt that either is a malicious type, bent on torturing the populace. But that’s what they were doing. For the past year and a half, they performed a tactless tango before a captive audience, and although they were roundly booed, they couldn’t take a hint and get off the stage. Until now.

Alone at last?
Their on-again, off-again shifts in status had magazines like People and Us shuttling staff around the country like military deployments.

Reportedly, it was Jen who ended the engagement. A statement from her publicist added: “At this difficult time, we ask that you respect her privacy.” What the statement fails to mention is, if the public respected her privacy, she wouldn’t have a career.

That is what was so annoying about their union in the first place. Ben Affleck has talent. Jennifer Lopez has talent. But their greatest gifts came in self-promotion. They became famous far beyond their accomplishments, and especially as lovebirds. True, Affleck did share a Best Original Screenplay Oscar along with pal Matt Damon, but the rest of his resume’ is spotty at best. As for Jen, aside from a sparkling turn as a law enforcement agent in “Out of Sight,” which was far more the result of director Steven Soderbergh’s expertise than hers, she has been notable largely for cartoonish displays of diva-like arrogance.

So together, they represented the most repellant aspects of show business. Their on-again, off-again shifts in status had magazines like People and Us shuttling staff around the country like military deployments. They did so many television interviews and talked about their romance so freely, it was as if their relationship was a spinoff of “Project Greenlight.” I can only hope there isn’t a bad movie on the way.

Oh, I forgot. We already have been subjected to the bad movie. “Gigli” was a romantic comedy that was not romantic, comedic or profitable. That was released in August. It bombed both critically and commercially. It also represented the apex of the Ben-Jen phenomenon. Before it, there might have been pockets of resistance in certain parts of the U.S., trusting, cockeyed optimists who still wanted to invest in Ben-Jen’s future together. But when “Gigli” came out, even those holdouts turned, reacting like Enron stockholders who were left with nothing but empty promises.

This breakup puts to rest any talk of weddings. It seemed that whenever there was a ominous development in their situation, a rumor would quickly surface in rebuttal, claiming that a secret wedding was scheduled in some posh locale. These reports could have been planted by their flaks to feed the monstrous blob of publicity they created and allow it to devour everything in its path. Or they could have originated from others who could benefit, like tabloid journalists, paparazzi and resort owners. Regardless, it was yet another reason to reach for the clicker to switch channels, and for the Pepto-Bismol.

A moment of silence for the death of their careers
Ben and Jen probably got into this to have a little fun together, but primarily to keep their careers in high gear. Instead, it has turned each into a melancholy joke, and it will take some doing to reverse the damage.

Ben’s last movie, John Woo’s “Paycheck,” did not do well, and because of his status as Jen’s elbow ornament for the last 18 months, he is now looked upon as a marginal thespian more desirous of fame and money than respect. He is 31 years old, which means he should have known better than to declare — even as recently as a week ago — that their love for each other was strong and that they would eventually tie the knot. Maybe it comes from being a Boston Red Sox fan all his life, but sometimes you just have to face reality and accept the fact that it isn’t going to happen.

Jen has even less of a career ahead of her. True, there are still teenyboppers out there who are seduced by her meager attempts at pop music and will mindlessly shell out bucks for her next CD, but let’s be frank. This woman is an “American Idol” judge in training. Her acting career is kaput, despite her appearance in Kevin Smith’s upcoming “Jersey Girl” — opposite Ben again, albeit this time in a mercifully brief role. Her only real hope is to latch onto another superfamous boyfriend. From what I hear, P. Diddy is still single, and I don’t think Jen will need a handful of staff meetings with her people to connect the dots on that one.

What both should do is find seclusion for a while before taking on the next phases of their respective lives. They need to isolate themselves from their adoring public and put the painful memories of their shattered bond behind them. As they both can probably attest, however, such privacy is enormously difficult to achieve, especially when you have so many publicists on the payroll.

the past few months have featured a welcome reprieve from fred durst, and hopefully this break can last until he resurfaces on a "where are they now?" program in a decade or so. maybe he and scott baio will be featured in a segment about people who seem to be famous solely for hanging around the playboy mansion. even if his days in the spotlight do turn out to be permanently behind him, his spirit will live on thanks to the following individuals who have spread fred's seed to their own realms of human endeavor.

dursties are awarded for exemplary achievement in the following categories:
• artlessness
• heavyhandedness
• self importance
• least common denominator pandering
• gender inclusive mookery

Winner:	Is the Fred Durst of:
Horatio Sanz	Comedy (Male) Runners Up: Jim Breuer Louis Black Colin Quinn Jim Carrey
Julia Roberts	Academy Awards Winners (Female) Runners Up: Sally Field Halle Berry Hilary Swank Kim Basinger
Adrien Brody	Academy Awards Winners (Male) Runners Up: Cuba Gooding, Jr. Joe Pesci Roberto Benigni
The New York Yankees	Baseball Clubs Runners Up: None
Joey Fatone	Boy Band Members Runners Up: Every Other Member of Every Boy Band in history (with a special note of distinction for any named Wahlberg)
The United States of America	Nations Runners Up: France Australia Italy Russia
NASCAR	Sports Runners Up: (X/N/A)FL WWE/F Battlebots
New Jersey	U.S. States Runners Up: Arizona Oklahoma Florida

ok... pop quiz sportsfans...

What one three-letter word can be inserted in all three blanks below to make two words in each row?

LIS ______ TACLE
HAS ______ DON
OF ______ DER

you can use the new comments feature to the right to submit your answer. first one with the solution gets a prize....

the following pics are of dolorian in an ensemble noted by yahoo news as being "of her own design". she is accompanied another young lady who also seems to be "in the industry", although that could be shameful stereotyping and, on a second look, could in fact be jam(i)e pressley, the collect call angel. now that avenue has been started down, "dolorian" herself seems to be some kind of porn man's lisa kudrow. maybe these resemblances are intentional. just as the adult industry seems to be fond of making "parodies" of mainstream hollywood films, perhaps porn actresses are some sort of hyperliteral satire on the starlet? the pics were taken on the red carpet (should it be "blue carpet"?) outside the Adult Video Industry Awards.

  
ok, a couple of questions raised by these photographs (and this would be the reason for their inclusion, right?):

what exactly is it about dolorian's design above that screams "adult video" more so than the pics below?
is it the red color?
the fact that it is some kind of modified t-shirt/blouse, rather than a dress?
the huge flower as accessory?
the piping?

for comparison, consider the following. lisa rinna and rose mcgowan (both aaron spelling veterans, for god's sake) appearing at events. do their respective ensembles scream "adult actress"? it seems not, but the reason for that distinction is elusive.
  
    

ok, the argument could be made that the above outfits don't scream "porn star" solely due to the fact that the actresses in question star in projects with titles like "melrose place", and "jawbreaker" (well, maybe not jawbreaker) as compared with the more explicit "Girligan's Island" rather than any difference in the garments themselves.

as usual, jennifer lopez is helpful in solving this quandary.

the key to differentiating oneself from a two bit whore seems to be making sure your peek-a-boo number is an outrageously expensive product of an established design house, and it has to be worn with contempt and disdain for the fans who place you in a position of idolization...

(oh, and mink eyelashes always help.)

thanks for clearing that up, jLo...

some stuff is available from a store set up on cafe press.

idea is pretty nifty, you upload your artwork, and they handle all the credit card tansactions, shipping, printing, etc as orders come in.

good part, you don't have to get stuck with a bunch of merchandise.

downside, the stuff isn't as cheap as it would be if you bought in bulk. all the stuff below is offered at cost, with no profit going to lupMixy or any of his minions.

$10.99  $17.99  $12.99  $12.99  $10.99

the full store is at http://www.cafeshops.com/lupmixy.

lupMixy's CD will probably go on sale there 1st (if he ever completes it) 5 songs currently almost 90% done, but the finish line is extending away like the hallway in poltergeist.

new year, time to figure out what the purpose of this space might be. thus far, it seems to be some kind of picture clipping service. in that spirit, the following:
(warning, cute alert... diabetics might want to steer clear)